Monday, October 3, 2011

Raw Faith and Building Projects

I've wrestled.
I've argued.
I've struggled in my faith.

If you've read my 100 Things post, you have heard me describe my faith as raw.  At one time, it wasn't so.  It seemed like more of a complete structure.  Ornamented and decorated.  I was proud.  And I was judgmental.  I'm ashamed of that.

As circumstances would have it (and by "circumstances", I mean God's mysterious ways), the structure I thought was my faith was knocked completely down to it's foundation.  I felt that I was sure of one thing... God made me to be with Him and because of my sin, Jesus died to rescue me and bring me back to Himself.  Salvation.  It took me a while to admit that that was where I was.  After earning a four year Bible degree and spending nearly 10 years in ministry, that was a hugely humbling place to find myself.  Very few understood.

I've longed to put pure pieces in the structure that goes upon that foundation.  It has been a pretty unconventional process thus far, to say the least.  I find myself drawn to those things which are heavily scented with grace and the love of God.  His holiness stirs up more reverence in me than ever before... it's a subject that I hesitate to speak on with any authority, much the way I imagine the old testament saints would have avoided using God's very name for fear of saying it incorrectly.  He is completely holy.  The thought itself is untouchable.  The process continues, examining pieces and slowly building.

It seems unconventional because God's truth seems to hit me from unexpected places.  Like the other night, I was at a concert and honestly, I was somewhat disengaged from the experience.  When all of the sudden, about halfway through the lyrics of this song, it started echoing some thoughts my heart has been beating out for quite some time, but hadn't quite found these words to express itself.  I was compelled to find the lyrics later and listen again and again and again.  Tears stream down my cheeks because I feel understood and heard and hopeful.  Hopeful that His bride, the church, could truly nurture and care for those who are hurting in our pews, in our neighborhoods, and in our friends lists.

Song For My Family
Words and music by Michael Gungor

There is a song for my family
Outside the walls of Sunday
Morning from some within.
This is a song to confess our sins,
Lay it all out, and try to begin again.
To hope again.

Please forgive our ignorance
In looking down on you
Please forgive our selfishness
For hiding in our pews while the world bleeds
While the world needs us to be what we should be

This is a song for my family who
Just can’t believe in the Jesus that you’ve seen on Sunday morning.

This is a song for the cynical saints.
The burned out and hopeless.
The ones that we’ve cast away.
I feel your pain.

Please forgive the wastefulness of all that we could be
But don’t forget, there’s more than this
Her beauty still exists
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive
His bride is still alive

This is a song for my family inside
The walls of Sunday morning.
Be what you should be.

© 2007 songs/ASCAP. Admin by EMI CMG Publishing.

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