Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Noise of Guilt and The Song of Grace

I don't know if you've ever done anything you regret.

I have.

As much as you wish you could go back and choose differently, you can't.  You can be forgiven.  And you can only go from now forward.  And that's okay.


I know in my head that I'm forgiven.  Sometimes there's still an annoying buzz of a reminder to me of my mistakes.  At other times, the reminders come closer together and they seem to crescendo with a guilty chorus.  And I hate it.

I hate it because it makes me forget I am free.
It makes me think I am useless to God.
It makes me forget that Jesus already took my punishment.
I hate it because it keeps me from showing grace to myself.  I judge me.  I punish me.
And that stinks.

So, I'm trying to figure out how to change the "noise" in my head into a song in my heart.

 It probably starts here:
"And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you" ~Ephesians 4:32

Grace.  I think grace might be my fav.  Seriously.  It's the heart of the good news that Jesus died to take the punishment we deserved.  It's the necessary lube that keeps our relationships with each other healthy and functioning-after all, we're human, we make mistakes, we're selfish, we get hurt.  Grace gives us the ability to stick with each other even when it's the hard thing to do.

I feel like I am the hardest person for me to show grace to.  I need to make myself my own "one another."  And therefore, should I be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving to myself.  After all, He has forgiven me.

And on the commuter bus this morning a song did come into my head.  Praying it fills my heart as well.

My sin...
I love how he kind of interrupts himself with giddiness here.
(Oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!)
My sin, not in part, but the WHOLE
is nailed to the cross
and I bear it no more!

This is a sculpture Jeremy has in his office.  Those outstretched arms say it all.


  1. I think we've all been there. I think it's true, that we have a harder time forgiving ourselves than we do others. Hang in there!

  2. I can definitely relate! & I love that sculpture!

    You ARE a GREAT person!! :)

  3. It is well, it is well with my soul!

  4. LOVE that hymn and that is by far my favorite-est verse! I listened to it over and over a few weeks ago on a particularly hard day.


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